It doesn’t cost a cent.

Anybody can do it.

Studies show that it is the most impactful way to build rapport with your kids…

Are you ready?

Time.

As Josh Shipp once said, “Kids spell trust: “t-i-m-e.”

This is not rocket science.

Yes, I know that the dishes are in the sink. The toilet has a ring around it. You have to send that important email.

But each day has 24 hours. Carving out intentional pockets of time to toss the football, play Uno, go for a walk, listen to the loooong story about the invisible gopher ninja—it will return relational dividends.

Science supports it

Research shows that eye contact, back and forth conversation, laughing together—these things build trust and rapport. (Common sense also tells us this.)

If you’ve ever had a young child in therapy, the first thing a therapist does with that child is play. As foster parents, we have cared for a lot of kids over the years. We’ve also sat with several kids during many therapy sessions. Ninety-five percent of the time spent in therapy is time spent playing. Five percent of the time, a feeling is brought up—during the course of play—then it is processed. Then there is more playing.

Even if you aren’t a licensed therapist, you have full access to play with your kids, all the time.

Time, play, and intentional fun opens a door into our kids’ hearts and minds like nothing else.

Forming Strong Characters

Most parents I know feel passionately about instilling good values in their kids. But too many skip the steps required to get there. On a bad day, we hum along in the busy-ness of life, checking off to-do lists, and rushing from appointment to activity. We are stressed out and exhausted. It’s so easy to forget that the magic with our kids happens in the everyday moments. In the baking of the cupcakes. It’s during the quiet pockets of a long drive, watching a sporting event, walking the dog—that’s when our kids voice their fears, ponderings, and dreams.

Their characters are being formed by something. Will it be you? Or will it be whatever YouTube celebrity they’re tuning into these days? Who spends more time talking to your kids?

In an increasingly distracting world, parents today have to fight for our kids’ attention and relationships like never before.

Are you fighting to create these intentional pockets?

If we push through the initial stress of putting down the urgent and visible, in favor of the important—we find gold. We make memories, get to know our kids better, more clearly understand their strengths and weaknesses. Then we can work to cultivate the best parts and redirect the rough parts.

When you spend time having fun with your kids, they see that you genuinely love and care for them. You earn their trust, opening the door for them to share burdens and joys with you.

As a busy mom of six, I know that carving out chunks of time to invest in the kids can feel like one more thing. Pray for right perspective. Pray that your heart would focus on the unseen: on the spiritual formation of your kids. While the world is telling us to take the easy route, to entertain our kids instead of parenting them, we are rolling up our sleeves, focusing on the formation of their characters and hearts. So we don’t despair when we glimpse the weak spots. Instead, we see opportunity.

And that all happens in those pockets of time that we set aside to spend with our kids!

Here are 5 easy, budget-friendly ways to create a culture of fun together with your kids:

• Find a shared board game obsession.

  In our house, this currently means playing Catan almost daily. With our six kids, there’s a spot for every age and ability. Our youngest kids (4-6), roll the dice for the players and help draw cards. Our older kids play on the same team or separate teams. It’s also a good opportunity to model turn-taking, good sportsmanship (a personal challenge for my competitive nature), and create opportunities to team-build. We also currently love Uno and Phase 10.

• Group story time.

  Young kids already love this. But if you have an older child who feels skeptical about this one, hang with me for a minute. Think back to when you were in junior high or upper elementary grades. Did you have a teacher who read aloud to your class? My favorite teacher did this in seventh grade. The Princess Bride is one of the only things I remember about seventh grade. If you need a carrot to get your bigger kids on board, try this: Say bedtime is at 8:30. Whoever wants a 15 minute optional extension may come to the living room while dad or mom reads aloud. You don’t have to participate, of course. But, it does extend bedtime. You decide. Bet you’ll have some read-aloud converts faster than you can say “Inconceivable!”

• Consider replacing birthday gifts with experience-based gifts.

  (Ask your kids their opinion! Bet they’d be into it.) Consider a Disney trip, a local amusement park, a membership to the trampoline park or the zoo. In a few months, that toy might be in the donation bin. But the memories you make together on an experience will last for years.

• Play catch.

• Frisbee, baseball, football, whatever. When your brain is fried from a long, hard day, catch gives you the opportunity to spend time with your kid without having to form complete sentences, if that feels hard. You also might find that your quiet kid’s thoughts start to come pouring out during a shared physical activity. Win-win!

• Ask your child to teach you how to draw something.

  My six-year-old LOVES this activity. Putting your kids in the driver’s seat makes them feel special, confident, and you’re bonding the whole time.

What are your favorite ways to have fun with your kids? Comment below!

**Full disclosure: if you purchase from a link above, I get a small percentage from Amazon. But please know that I would never recommend something that I don’t love!**