You handed over the tablet because you thought it would give you a minute—to work, to eat, or even take a well-deserved break.

Thirty minutes later, the timer dings. Your precious child has suddenly morphed into the incredible Hulk. But like, pre-Zen Hulk. It ain’t pretty.

It’s the tantrum from Hades and you’re vacillating between throwing the tablet in the trash, or shamefully allowing another five minutes for some short-sighted relief.

What’s a modern parent to do?

If your child falls apart after screen time, you need to know three things.

1.You’re not alone.

2.Your child is normal.

3.There’s a better way.

You’re not alone.

According to the New York Times, 93% percent of parents said that their child “throws a tantrum, whines, or resists ending screen time…” Thirty-seven percent said that screen time “almost always ends in a fight.”

Your child is normal.

Why is this happening to so many kids? Why don’t our kids respond like addicts when transitioning from Legos or coloring? Why is the struggle unique to screens?

Here’s why:

When humans experience pleasure, dopamine is released in our brains. Going for a walk, smelling the flowers, eating French fries, a hug from a parent: all these things release dopamine. Tech companies have used what they know about brain science to bake dopamine release triggers into our kids interactive games.

Why is this a problem? Because the levels of dopamine being released by our kids’ interactive games are historically unprecedented. In fact, dopamine receptors are getting overloaded and numbing out, thanks to dopamine surges that our brains weren’t designed to process.

This is why kids complain of boredom when partaking in activities they previously enjoyed. The amount of dopamine released by real-life activities cannot compete with engineered dopamine surges of interactive video games and tablets.

It gets worse.

You needn’t go far to find doctors, researchers, therapists likening screen time to drugs.

“Recent brain imaging research is showing that they affect the brain’s frontal cortex — which controls executive functioning, including impulse control — in exactly the same way that cocaine does.”[1] 

“This drug seems to hamper children’s ability to manage and balance time, energy, and attention and thereby leads to lifestyle changes and behavioral deficits.”

The tablets, video games, apps—they’ve been purposely engineered to trigger Niagra Falls-levels of dopamine.

When screen time ends, kids’ brains crash. It’s not their fault.

There’s a better way

It seems we’ve slipped into a bad habit. No sweat, friend. Habits are broken all the time.

Here are a few ideas to help you and your child break yours:

• Make a list of fun activities you want to teach your child. Simple, fun, some parent-involved, some solo. Have your list at the ready. Instead of screen time, get your child started on an activity. Often they just need a nudge. Do not ask if they’d prefer the tablet to the coloring page. (“Would you like ice cream or a carrot stick?” Duh.)

• Work backwards. Huddle with your spouse. What are your child’s weak spots? Can’t focus? Low frustration tolerance? Trouble sharing? Conversationally awkward? Discuss activities that will help your child work on their weak spot.

• Give and receive grace. Guess what? We are all in this boat. Tech entertainment can be a blessing and a curse. We are the first generation of parents wading through this kind of digital everything. Maybe you have regrets about your previous approach. Welcome to the club! Literally all of us are here. Know better, do better. You got this!

You might also like: How much screen time should my kids have? 

[1] Dr. Nicholas Kardaras, “It’s ‘digital heroin’: How screens turn kids into psychotic junkies,” New York Post, August 27, 2016.